One Time Plzzzzzz!!!

So these last few weeks have been incredibly frustrating, and last night sent everything over the edge. I am not even in the red and I have actually seen a profit since returning from Vegas, but have just been flirting and (to make a sexual/baseball reference) getting to second with a guy on third then the cleanup hitter hits a screaming line drive into the gap, and the guy on third tags instead of just running, and the left fielder gets to it quickly, and I have to stop so as to not pass the idiot who was tagging up on a ball that simply could not have been caught, and I get thrown out at the plate by like 10 feet.

Maybe it isn't the most perfect analogy, but that is the best I could come up with. The thing that makes me the most sick is that people keep telling me that if I continue to get in +EV spots in MTT's, I am eventually going to have a big score. It's like, duh, but it absolutely sucks in the short term when you play in a FTP guaranteed with 1200+ players, play for 4 hours and get it in as a 3/1 fav. just into the money and can't hold. I guess it's a decent quandry to be in, as my cashing percentage has been pretty high over the past couple weeks, but I have been lacking a big score and am losing confidence in my late tournament game even though I feel like I have such an edge when we get down to 2-3 tables and have to play short-handed.

Last night seemed to set me off way more than normal. I signed up for the $75 $23k guaranteed KO tourney on FTP which started at 9pm. I had class the next day at 9am, so I was hoping that, if I indeed stayed up late, it would mean good things financially.

I doubled up early when I limped Q9hh from the SB behind one MP limper. BB checked, and we saw a pretty awesome 10h 7h 5h flop. I opted to lead 80 into a 120 because I am obsessed with building pots, especially when the stack to blind ratio is huge. BB mucks, limper makes it 280. As said, I love building pots, especially with the 3rd nuts, so I make it 800 to go. He tank/ships it in, and I snap call and have his Jh8h drawing dead.

I was up to an above avg stack of 25kish when we got in the money. 45 spots paid, and first paid over 5k, so I was eyeing that. Anyways, with about 3 tables left, I raised 77 from MP to 4200 at 800/1600. Button flats, BB defends, and we see a magical Ax Qx 7x flop. SB (maniac) checks, and I opt to check to the LAA button. He checks. Turn 5. BB leads 6k. I flat, and button makes it 20k. BB mucks, and I do my time bank thing then shove it in, and he calls with AQ. Sick cooler for him, awesome for me as I am now above 100k.

I was around 100k, and we were down to 14 when things started to go wrong. I decided to get pretty agro and raised K6o from the c/o. The SB who was SLAP and had already called like 4 of my raises calls. HU, we see a Q J 5 flop. He checks, I lead half pot, he calls. Turn x, check check. River x. He checks, and, with the pot at 37k, I type in 22k with Grant railing. With my time running down, I was about to click bet but then just decided that really the only hand that calls the flop that I can bluff off is K10, as I was pretty sure he was calling with a Q or a J given the other hands that we had played. I checked, and he obv shows K10 and takes the pot.

This sorta sent me off, and the next hand I called a min. raise from the BB with A6o and c/raise the button on a Q 10 5 flop then just give up. So I was down to 50k and told Grant that I was blowing up.

I then raise Q9hh from c/o, and the same SLAP calls from the SB; flop Ad Jd xd. He checks, and I almost press check but decide to lead 10k of my remaining 35k. He obviously "tanks" then moves me in and I insta-fold.

Few hands later, I'm in the SB with 20k at 2k/4k, and I have a trivial shove with K6o. BB snap calls with QJ. Board 6 3 2 A J, sending me to the rail in 14th place, good for like $220.

I was so p/o'd that I had spewed off 50 bb's before anyone else got knocked out that I threw my laptop onto the table and knocked over some stuff. I was even money to do some seriousl damage to my laptop and probably would have if Grant weren't there.

I have gone back and forth between cash games and MTT's with more success in MTT's, but lately I just haven't been able to break through. The most frustrating thing is that I continue to put pressure on myself because Derek had a 20k last month and a half, and Grant has had some dece scores, and every time that I sit down, I am trying so hard to do the same so that I can tell everyone that I know that I rock at MTT's.

I know that this is a terrible mindset, and I am super happy for the other guys when they do well. But the result is that I constantly play tournaments and put pressure on myself to go deep and do not let the action come to me. When I look back at my poker career, I have had the most amount of success when I haven't wanted it really bad or when I haven't needed it really bad.

I know that I am super close to breaking through on full tilt, and I am hoping that my next blog post will be me celebrating a win in the 50/50. But for now, I am super bummed and couldn't sleep very well last night after playing so well for so long and then blowing up and getting rewarded very little.

In other news, today is Grant's 21st birthday, and I wish him the best. Tonight we are going out to dinner, and I also have to do some studying for a test tomorrow. This weekend, I am going home again and going out to Grant's on Saturday night for a party. Then Sunday, my family is going on a yacht in Tacoma which should be fun.

Until then, I will continue to sulk and be unhappy about the last couple weeks. But at least I know that I am ready to turn the corner.

God Bless all,

JG