Withdrew from FTP

I just withdrew all of my $1700 from FTP after busting in the 9pm $75 KO. I was planning on doing this soon anyways, but I'm pretty sure it was a sign that I needed to do this when I got it in on the flop in a 3-bet p/f pot with 99 against 76ss on a K 6 4 K 6 board.

I then went busto in the UB 9pm and am sitting here in a precarious situation. It has been an absolutely shitty summer in terms of poker. I have played in 84 FTP tournies with my highest cash being $275.60 despite me finishing in 35/100 on average. I have exactly one final table on that site and am just happy that I don't have to go through the fucking bullshit every night where I play awesome poker for 5 hours then get in auto-bust spots or can't win a race.

I always hate listening to people whine about how they can't run good late, and I truly do understand that this is such a small sample size that I have nothing to worry about. But it is just frustrating to seemingly go through the same routine every night with the same results. I guess I am just expecting money to come easy as it has for the first couple years in my poker career. It just sucks to go through a run like this when it is the summer and all I want to do is try and build my roll because I know I am not going to have enough time to play a whole lot once school starts.

I really don't know what my plan is from here. I have a little under a grand on UB with which I plan on trying to build. But I am really starting to doubt my poker skills and it has been a while since I have been complemented on my game because I haven't won $10k in an online poker tournament in my life and haven't had a big score in a while. I'm not saying that my psyche is so fragile that I need someone to tell me that I am awesome at poker, but I think it is just so stupid that no one has said how sick I am at MTT's solely because I haven't had success as of late.

After reading a bunch of the cardrunners' blogs, I am starting to realize that I might not have a significant edge in MTT's. I think that I play really well and pick my spots optimally most of the time, but I am starting to think that I just ran well above EV for a while and thought that I could make a living playing $25-$50 MTT's. I'm not sure if this is the case, but I am not sure if I am emotionally ready to commit myself to playing a lot of cash games. It is a really odd situation that I am in, and I am considering just going back and playing $20 sng's to build my roll.

I withdrew my FTP money because my bank account was getting low, and I need some money to live off of for Vegas and for the rest of the summer. The thing that I absolutely hate about poker for me personally is that I never seem to have success when I really need it. This would definitely be the most annoying thing about being a tourney pro.

Anyways, I am up in Bellingham and Derek is also up here. We will probably be playing poker the next couple of nights even though I really hate the idea of trying to play under-rolled 4-8 at the Slo Pitch or going deep in a MTT only to bubble the final table. Hopefully things turn around soon and I can do some bragging, which is what I have wanted to write about for the past 3 months.

That is all I got.

God Bless,

JG